Honesty

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Killer English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

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Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

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once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

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teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

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"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

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My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

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"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

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LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

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Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

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Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

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There are more humor articles for you click on the link .....(must read)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

THE FUNNIES ON LIFE

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.


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Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.


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For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.


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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.


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Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car


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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.


The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."


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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.


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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.


Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?


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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.


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The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.


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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down he aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.


As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.


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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"


Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"


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Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."


Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."


Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."


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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?"


"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"


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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"


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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."


The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"


The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."


A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."


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Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.

The child Should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...

Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"