Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Jassem is now Johnny
Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio.
"What is your name?" – asked the teacher.
"Jassem". . .. – answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.
In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother.
"My name is not Jassem. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Jassem returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."
"What is your name?" – asked the teacher.
"Jassem". . .. – answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.
In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother.
"My name is not Jassem. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Jassem returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Mass Destruction
It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:
"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"
"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"
"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."
"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.
"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"
"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"
"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"
"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."
"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.
"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Illusion Secret Revealed
A recent Criss Angel illusion Trick from TricksPRO.com
is analyzed and explained.
I show you how he did this amazing trick.
is analyzed and explained.
I show you how he did this amazing trick.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
How to Cut
How to Cut a 2 Mm Hemp Cord with Your Bare Hands?
This video shows you a little known rope handling trick,
which can save you the time, looking for a knife or a pair
of scissors. As the weight of the wheel shows, quite strong
cord can be dealt with bare hands.
This video shows you a little known rope handling trick,
which can save you the time, looking for a knife or a pair
of scissors. As the weight of the wheel shows, quite strong
cord can be dealt with bare hands.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Las Vegas Magician
Shimshi has been entertaining Las Vegas with
his magic show for the past 7 years. He is a
well known Las Vegas magician and appeared on
NBC’s hit show America’s Got Talent.
his magic show for the past 7 years. He is a
well known Las Vegas magician and appeared on
NBC’s hit show America’s Got Talent.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Two Prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:
"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:
"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Cold Water
A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend.
He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.
He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.
So the young man shrugged and started eating.
The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.
Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.
The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.
As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.
"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.
He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.
So the young man shrugged and started eating.
The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.
Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.
The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.
As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.
"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Divorce Letters
Dear Wife
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you, had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla',,,was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
~~~~~~~~
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you, had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla',,,was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
We(O)man
1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. ( Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. ( You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... For such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..
4. ( ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do I have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when I call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 PM?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime.
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. ( Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. ( You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... For such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..
4. ( ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do I have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when I call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 PM?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Mom On Pool Edge
Mom Cracks Back on Pool Edge
Perfect ten from three judges,
but the Russian judge only gave her a nine.
Perfect ten from three judges,
but the Russian judge only gave her a nine.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Chinese Boy Dance
So You Think YOU Can Dance 3 Year Old Chinese Boy Does
Impressive Choreographed Hip Hop Moves Lil Man Can Get Down.
Impressive Choreographed Hip Hop Moves Lil Man Can Get Down.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Excuse Me
My Watch Stopped
Please, help the girl to fix the watch,
if you are perfectly comfortable with this!
Please, help the girl to fix the watch,
if you are perfectly comfortable with this!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Solid Safety Rope Essential
Here's a classic UK funny video clip!
This guy has some top advice that needs to be followed!
This guy has some top advice that needs to be followed!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Top Ten Goals
The Top 10 Solo Goals OF All Time
Music: Rocky Eye of the Tiger
Made By: Moum3
10: Fernandez vs. O'Higgins
9: Weah vs. Verona
8: Owairan vs. Belgium
7: Pele vs. Mexico
6: Ibrahimovic vs. NEC
5: Ronaldo vs. Compostella
4: Messi vs. Getafe
3: Oktay vs. Belgium
2: Giggs vs. Arsenal
1: Maradona vs. England
Music: Rocky Eye of the Tiger
Made By: Moum3
10: Fernandez vs. O'Higgins
9: Weah vs. Verona
8: Owairan vs. Belgium
7: Pele vs. Mexico
6: Ibrahimovic vs. NEC
5: Ronaldo vs. Compostella
4: Messi vs. Getafe
3: Oktay vs. Belgium
2: Giggs vs. Arsenal
1: Maradona vs. England
Monday, August 2, 2010
Look That Ass
Seems a woman's real end is more important than your boss's lecture,
which later has been proven to be wrong. If i were the guy,
I would spank that booty faster than my boss does.
which later has been proven to be wrong. If i were the guy,
I would spank that booty faster than my boss does.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
CHUCK IT OUT
A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"
THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER, CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.
"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATRE."
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATRE. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,
"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"
THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER, CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.
"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATRE."
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATRE. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,
"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Why Invest in Laughter
It is impossible to worry while you're laughing.
Humor cuts stress levels in half.
Laughing helps you to stay happy and healthy and helps you return to good health when ill.
Laughter increases, by 20%, the activity of killer cells within the body which serve to destroy viruses and tumor cells.
Train yourself to look for the comedy in your chaos.
A sense of humor is the number one survival skill.
George Bernard Shaw once said, "When you find something funny search it for hidden truth."
"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." Voltaire
Humor helps us cope, conquer, and carry on.
A good laugh is not only the result of humor, it is often also the cause.
The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy.
The best exercise is jumping for joy.
"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis.
We begin to solve our problems when we begin to see the humor in them.
"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods." Japanese proverb.
When we feel like laughing the least , we need it most.
If it feels good to laugh, then laugh to feel good.
A sense of humor is not inherited, it is learned.
Humor cuts stress levels in half.
Laughing helps you to stay happy and healthy and helps you return to good health when ill.
Laughter increases, by 20%, the activity of killer cells within the body which serve to destroy viruses and tumor cells.
Train yourself to look for the comedy in your chaos.
A sense of humor is the number one survival skill.
George Bernard Shaw once said, "When you find something funny search it for hidden truth."
"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." Voltaire
Humor helps us cope, conquer, and carry on.
A good laugh is not only the result of humor, it is often also the cause.
The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy.
The best exercise is jumping for joy.
"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis.
We begin to solve our problems when we begin to see the humor in them.
"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods." Japanese proverb.
When we feel like laughing the least , we need it most.
If it feels good to laugh, then laugh to feel good.
A sense of humor is not inherited, it is learned.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
How A Man Discover And Lady Enjoys...
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping....
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping....
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Seatbelt Law
New Seat Belt Law
This becomes effective March 1, 2010. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Seat Belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
When the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below...
Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
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This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%
I KNOW... YOU SMILED.
Have A Nice Day
This becomes effective March 1, 2010. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Seat Belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
When the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below...
Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
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This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%
I KNOW... YOU SMILED.
Have A Nice Day
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Just For Laugh
A lawyer was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the lawyer turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the lawyer. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The lawyer, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
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The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
`````````
Husband: You will never succeed in making that dog obey you.
Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with you also at first.
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the lawyer. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The lawyer, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
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The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
````````````
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
`````````
Husband: You will never succeed in making that dog obey you.
Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with you also at first.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
To: My loving wife
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,
expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th oct 2009
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;
MORAL OF STORY - be careful while sending mails if not mishaps like these happen ..
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,
expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th oct 2009
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;
MORAL OF STORY - be careful while sending mails if not mishaps like these happen ..
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
This Kid Will be Very Unpopular
A kid who was a Liverpool fan threw in a balloon
causing the goalie to trip and gave the other
team a lead... Liverpool lost.
causing the goalie to trip and gave the other
team a lead... Liverpool lost.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tomato Potato
Oye Sardarji tusi great ho..
Each Friday night after work, Sardar ji would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar ji and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar ji attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."
Sardar ji's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar ji's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Sardar ji, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken and you were raised as a lamb but now onwards you are a potato and you are a tomato..
Each Friday night after work, Sardar ji would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar ji and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar ji attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."
Sardar ji's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar ji's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Sardar ji, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken and you were raised as a lamb but now onwards you are a potato and you are a tomato..
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
BudLight Asteroid
As a giant asteroid hurls toward Earth,
a group of astronomers must decide how to
spend the precious little time they have left.
a group of astronomers must decide how to
spend the precious little time they have left.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
WOMEN AND GOD
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"
Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this!!!)
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God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
3 idiots Speech
The speech is so hilarious that
your stomach will pain laughing.
( stun means boobs )
your stomach will pain laughing.
( stun means boobs )
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Santa In Intensive Care Unit
A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care unit ward, put in a bed tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. A couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. A couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Bathroom Surprise
Once you'll see this reel,
you'll never risk to visit
a public lavatory, even is extras!
you'll never risk to visit
a public lavatory, even is extras!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Funny Football
Sometimes the goalie tries too hard.
Hey guys watch and enjoy the funniest
moments in football history.
Hey guys watch and enjoy the funniest
moments in football history.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Under The Bench
Shower From Under The Bench
Girls,if you don't afraid of getting wet, then take a seat on a bench!
Girls,if you don't afraid of getting wet, then take a seat on a bench!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Junior
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said
"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
How to Add Fun
How to Add Fun and Movement to Your Advertising
Using sex to sell a product is nothing new. Neither is using humor.
If the two are combined it can be a winning formula but add a level
of customer interaction and you've really cracked it! This video shows
the imaginative use of all three elements that have created a fun card
that can be used as a basis for all kinds of promotions.
Using sex to sell a product is nothing new. Neither is using humor.
If the two are combined it can be a winning formula but add a level
of customer interaction and you've really cracked it! This video shows
the imaginative use of all three elements that have created a fun card
that can be used as a basis for all kinds of promotions.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Best Joke In Britan
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )
Jury Duty
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving.
He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.
As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance the judge replied,
"Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer."
******
He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.
As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance the judge replied,
"Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer."
******
Monday, May 3, 2010
Pinewood Derby
World's Longest Pinewood Derby
Check out the track that covered 206 feet, 5 inches at the U.S. Cellular Arena.
Check out the track that covered 206 feet, 5 inches at the U.S. Cellular Arena.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Spray for Enlargement
Miracle Spray for Breast Enlargement
Absolutely new mean for breast enlargement,
the show “hidden camera” works out problems with small sizes…
Absolutely new mean for breast enlargement,
the show “hidden camera” works out problems with small sizes…
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Woman Stuck
A woman getting stuck on a fair ride maze. VERY FUNNY!!
LOTS OF VIEWS.... You've been framed funny video comedy.
LOTS OF VIEWS.... You've been framed funny video comedy.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Pant-less On An Escalator
A guys pants keep falling down whilst he is carrying water melon.
The females are shocked.
The females are shocked.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Please ! Make Me Women ....
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,
then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,
Though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
The Wedding Wows.
Bride Can't Stop Laughing During Vows.
Her husband accidentally pronounces 'lawfully' as 'wawfully,'
and she cracks up so much that they had to take a break in the ceremony.
Her husband accidentally pronounces 'lawfully' as 'wawfully,'
and she cracks up so much that they had to take a break in the ceremony.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
THINK LIKE A SOFTWARE ENGINEER
THERE IS THIS GOOD OLD BARBER IN LONDON . ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT. AFTER THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND THE BARBER REPLIES: 'I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE..' THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.
NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A 'THANK YOU' CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
A POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: 'I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.. THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.
THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A THANK YOU CARD AND A DOZEN DONUTS ARE WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
AN SOFTWARE ENGINEER GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: 'I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE. ' THE SOFTWARE ENGINEER IS HAPPY AND LEAVES..
THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE...?
CAN YOU GUESS?
TRY TO GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS .
COME ON, THINK LIKE A SOFTWARE ENGINEER....
A DOZEN SOFTWARE ENGINEERS WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT!!
NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A 'THANK YOU' CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
A POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: 'I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.. THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.
THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A THANK YOU CARD AND A DOZEN DONUTS ARE WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
AN SOFTWARE ENGINEER GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: 'I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE. ' THE SOFTWARE ENGINEER IS HAPPY AND LEAVES..
THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE...?
CAN YOU GUESS?
TRY TO GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS .
COME ON, THINK LIKE A SOFTWARE ENGINEER....
A DOZEN SOFTWARE ENGINEERS WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT!!
London Bus Crashes
Bus Crashes into Illegally Parked Porsche
London bus crashes into a Porsche, illegally parked at a bus stop and knocks over the bus shelter as well! Owner Emma Freeman, 34, had parked on a yellow line as she went to a cash point.Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Parking Space
Take MY Parking Space Will You?
Two tiny cars compete for the same parking spot,
the cheeky white car (with the massive spoiler)
tries to slide on in.....but they forget one thing,
How to exit the car?
Two tiny cars compete for the same parking spot,
the cheeky white car (with the massive spoiler)
tries to slide on in.....but they forget one thing,
How to exit the car?
Girl Kiss Me
An extremely funny video MUST WATCH IT ,don't miss it..
A girl kissing everyone whomever she finds on the road.
A girl kissing everyone whomever she finds on the road.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
LITTLE BOBBY
Confessions of a Kid
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
**
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
**
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
**
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
**
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
**
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
**
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
**
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!
**
Self Moving Generator
Magic Electromagnetic Self Moving Generator - How?
Watch to build awesome magnetic generator in 2 minutes and impress your friends.
Watch to build awesome magnetic generator in 2 minutes and impress your friends.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Unbelievable !
Twisting Pop Up From Amazing Paper
Unbelievable twisting effect. Really nice.
Can you make one like this?
Unbelievable twisting effect. Really nice.
Can you make one like this?
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Train Track Tumble
Woman Survives Train Track Tumble
An intoxicated 26-year-old woman survived a close call
late Friday night after she fell onto the train tracks
inside a Boston T subway station, the train stopped
half-way over her body.
An intoxicated 26-year-old woman survived a close call
late Friday night after she fell onto the train tracks
inside a Boston T subway station, the train stopped
half-way over her body.
Funny Quotes
Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals. - They are so tasty.
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........
*******
Best Actor
Boys Are The Best Actors In The World
For Some Reason Boys Are The Best Actors In The World.
Watch This Un-Stoppable Laughing Video
For Some Reason Boys Are The Best Actors In The World.
Watch This Un-Stoppable Laughing Video
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Means of Floatation
Entertaining.human moments involving boats and other means of ... floatation.
Superb video!!!
Superb video!!!
MICROPHONE
Its a Microphone, Not Pepper Doh!
What was this old lady thinking about,
her husband hands her a microphone to talk,
and she just starts trying to take some pepper out of it.
What was this old lady thinking about,
her husband hands her a microphone to talk,
and she just starts trying to take some pepper out of it.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Policemen Little Help
This is a fun video,
which shows policemen helping and
having fun with unsuspecting people.
which shows policemen helping and
having fun with unsuspecting people.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Poems
Written By Husband To Wife
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
- ******
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Close Call
Close Call with a Train...
Two stupid kids cross the rail lines under the bridge
and come very close to getting hit.
Kids Take The Lesson From This Video
Two stupid kids cross the rail lines under the bridge
and come very close to getting hit.
Kids Take The Lesson From This Video
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The Good Life
The secret to the good life
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above,
sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said,
"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.
Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.
On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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