Honesty

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

CHUCK IT OUT

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"


THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER, CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."


"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.


"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATRE."


THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATRE. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.


THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.


"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"


"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,


"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN'
MY POPCORN!"

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Why Invest in Laughter

It is impossible to worry while you're laughing.


Humor cuts stress levels in half.


Laughing helps you to stay happy and healthy and helps you return to good health when ill.


Laughter increases, by 20%, the activity of killer cells within the body which serve to destroy viruses and tumor cells.


Train yourself to look for the comedy in your chaos.


A sense of humor is the number one survival skill.


George Bernard Shaw once said, "When you find something funny search it for hidden truth."


"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." Voltaire


Humor helps us cope, conquer, and carry on.


A good laugh is not only the result of humor, it is often also the cause.


The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy.


The best exercise is jumping for joy.


"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis.


We begin to solve our problems when we begin to see the humor in them.


"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods." Japanese proverb.


When we feel like laughing the least , we need it most.


If it feels good to laugh, then laugh to feel good.


A sense of humor is not inherited, it is learned.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

How A Man Discover And Lady Enjoys...

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.


The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.


The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.


The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.


The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.


Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping....

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Seatbelt Law

New Seat Belt Law



This becomes effective March 1, 2010. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Seat Belt.

Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%

When the belt is properly installed.



Correct Installation is illustrated below...



Please pass on to family and friends.

THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

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This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%



I KNOW... YOU SMILED.



Have A Nice Day

Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.

The child Should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...

Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"