River Fake Coughing

If Laughter is the best medicine this should cure you.

Rivers fake coughing at 11months old.

Curing a Cough

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner goes inside and asks his clerk whats up.

"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldnt find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once."

"Laxatives wont cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.

"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. Hes afraid to cough."

Super Funny

No Wonder Men are Happier

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.


If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Unbelievable Tennis Battle in Paris

Unbelievable tennis battle in Paris by FFT

Top 7 reasons why I joined IT ...

1) I hated sleep.

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

3) I couldn't live without tension.

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.

6) Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.

Doctor's Mistake

Medicare Joke

The phone rang. The lady of the house answered

"Yes?" "Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking" "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asked.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's terrible! Can we repeat the test?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes, but Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Funny Doctor

Men are Better Friends

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.


Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!


Conclusion :

Men are better friends

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:



The result



Markets silent



Streets empty



The police at rest



All mobile companies in loss



No SMS



No Flowers



No Valentine



No Candles



No Perfumes



All the men directed to Heaven.

TEACHING ENGLISH

A Priest was about to windup his journeying of tariff, and was leaving his Assignment in the jungle where he has spent life instruction the natives,

when he realizes that the one abstract he never taught them was how to speak Side.

So he takes the boss for a vocation in the earth. He points to a histrion and says to the boss, "This is a player."

The main looks at the thespian and grunts, "Thespian."

The Hoodooism is pleased with the activity. They bearing a younger promote and he points to a stone and says, "This is a careen."

Opportunity this, the gaffer looks and grunts, "Pitch."

The Vodoun was rattling deed spirited about the results when he hears a susurrous in the bushes. As they looking over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the inside of weighted sexed manifestation.

The Voodoo is really perturbed and speedily responds, "Man equitation a bike."

The supervisor looks at the twosome briefly, pulls out his blowpipe and kills them.

The Voodooism goes ballistic and yells at the honcho that he has spent period philosophy the nation how to be advanced and be kind to each opposite, so how could he defeat these fill in bleak murder that way?

The chief replied, "MY cycle.

How guys select the girl they want to marry

How guys select the girl they want to marry


A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!



Men are Men.... Obviously!!!

Smart Monkey Conversation

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"

: "Tying their belts"

: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"

: "What were the pilots doing?"

: "Checking the system"

: "What were you doing?"

: "Looking for my people"

: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"

: "Having beverages and snacks"

: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

: "Serving the travelers"

: "What were the Pilots doing?"

: "Handling the steering"

: "What were you doing?"

: "Eating & throwing"

: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

"Some were sleeping and some were reading"

: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

: "Make up"

: "What were the pilots doing?"

: "Handling the steering"

: "What were you doing?"

: "Nothing"

: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"

: "All were sleeping"

: "What were the pilots doing?"

: "Handling the air hostess"

: What were you doing?

: Handling the steering ???

Polish Your English

Difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.

But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are... COMPLETELY FINISHED


ENGLISH IS A WONDERFUL LANGUAGE, ISN'T IT?

Thanks for the smile

Jassem is now Johnny

Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio.

"What is your name?" – asked the teacher.

"Jassem". . .. – answered the kid.

"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.

In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother.

"My name is not Jassem. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him.

Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Jassem returned to school..

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?

Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."

Two Prostitutes

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.


Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."


So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."

CHUCK IT OUT

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"


THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER, CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."


"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.


"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATRE."


THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATRE. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.


THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.


"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"


"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,


"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

Tomato Potato

Oye Sardarji tusi great ho..


Each Friday night after work, Sardar ji would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.


The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar ji and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar ji attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."


Sardar ji's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.


The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar ji's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.



There stood Sardar ji, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken and you were raised as a lamb but now onwards you are a potato and you are a tomato..

WOMEN AND GOD

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"



Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.



After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,she was killed by an ambulance.



Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"



(You'll love this!!!)
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God replied,


"I didn't recognize you."

Jury Duty

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving.

He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.

As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied,

"Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer."

******