CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy Kholi . May I have your..."


Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 43rd Floor, Akask View Apt, Cantt Road, ........
Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566.


Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $ 2249.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $10,720.55 since October last year.

That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter,...registra tion number USE 8999..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registration number UTD 4267.......

Customer: [Faints]

Mass Destruction

It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:


"India!" shouted Blair.


"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.


"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"



"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.



"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."



"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.


"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."


"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"


"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"



"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"



"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"



"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"


"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"


"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."


"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"


"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."


"Shall I get my ships ready?"



"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.



"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.


The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.


"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"


"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.



"You can send them to India," said Bush.



"To fight?" asked Blair happily.


"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."


"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.


"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.


"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.


"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"